Ever noticed how easily some people can push your buttons and all you want to do is to go into karate mode? Adrenaline and stress hormones are being released, the brain moves into fight or flight response and before you know it, you are balling your fists, biting your lips and turning red, while the other person is just going on and on about your mistake, or on how you could have done things differently, and on why you did not act smarter….and while you are standing there they add to all those comments the classic remark; “I told you so” or worse; “WOMEN!” Yes, I am sure you have been there too, most of us have been there, either with a parent, partner, maybe even with one of your kids, a colleague, or it might have been with one of your friends. It happens, and it is ok…as long as we indeed, do not use our karate moves on them! It doesn’t take away that it is extremely difficult to stay calm when we are being provoked and challenged into battle, when we feel that all we want to do is to defend our point of view. We can count to 10 all we want, but at the end we might be counting to 100, over and over again, and sometimes even with the same people. So what to do then? What would be a magic solution to keep ‘your cool’, to say what you have to say, and leave the argument or conversation as a Queen? I will give you three simple yoga techniques, that will do just that. What are those three techniques, I can hear you say with a raised eye brow. Before we go into detail, the 3 simple steps to keep your inner peace when all hell breaks loose is to:
1. ground yourself through the breath.
2. Practice the yamas and niyamas.
3. Visualise your inner peace.
Yes, it is that easy! You can use it at any time and anywhere with any person, there is only one catch….ughh….there is always a catch is it not? Well… Queens are made… not born.
What does that mean? Seriously, yoga is not meant for quick solutions, if you want quick solutions to stop your triggers, I wish you all the best. Triggers come fast and are like tigers pouncing out of the bushes, jumping out… most probably…to eat you! What do you do? Run?!?!? For sure the tiger will get you and make a nice meal out of you, so will that neighbour, that is standing in front of your face, screaming at you to make her point clear. Ok, running is therefore not an option, but what then? I would suggest to slowly back away (metaphorically speaking). Slowly backing away (mentally) is the best option, in this way, you will buy yourself some time to think about your next move. And in order to do just that, you will need the right yogic tools and practices to stare the tiger in the eyes. And these 3 simple steps guide you directly to inner peace.
How to keep your inner peace in three simple steps when all hell breaks loose!
1. Ground yourself through the breath.
When we get upset, one of the first things that changes is our breath, have you noticed this? Let’s do an experiment;
Right now, in this very moment, observe your breathing. Pay close attention to where it flows, there is a good chance that your breathing will be shallow, up in the chest. Now do this; (if you are standing) start to exhale longer, without forcing the breath out, drawing your tummy gently in, feel your feet firmly standing on the ground. Inhale normally, without any manipulation of the breath, do this for 6 times and tell me how you feel? (you can leave your comments on my Facebook page; https://www.facebook.com/yogawella/ )
If you are seated; Pay close attention to where the breath flows, start to exhale longer, without forcing the breath out, drawing your tummy gently in, bring the out breath to your sacrum, along the spine. Inhale normally, without any manipulation of the breath, do this for 6 times and tell me how you feel? (you can leave your comments on my Facebook page; https://www.facebook.com/yogawella/ )
Both experiments have a major impact on your nervous system, and therefore, the breath will affect the flight or fight response, instantly giving you the opportunity to be more clear about your what to do or say next.
2. Practice the Yamas and Niyamas.
I will elaborate on the Yamas and Niyamas in another post, what you need to know for now is this: the yamas are guidelines on how to be in the world, on how to relate to each other and abide in our own deeper sense of peace. Two of the yamas are ahimsa and satyam. In the Yoga sutras of Patanjali Chapter 2 Sutra 35, tells us to do no harm to yourself or others in word, thought and deed. For example, at the very moment of an argument with…say…your loved one, ground yourself through the breath and practice ahimsa, instead of our initial reaction to fight back, because we are feeling hurt or because the ego is playing its role, we can step back and observe the situation without being drawn into it, don’t give in to the negative energy of the conversation. The next yama is satyam, Patanjali says in sutra 2.36 the following “One who shows a high degree of right communication will not fail in his actions.” From the book: “The Heart of Yoga” written by Sir, also known as T.K.V. Desikachar. Satyam stands for truth, speaking our own truth in a respectful manner and upholding ahimsa. A lot of people when they like to convey their truth to others, they like to force it upon another. This is when we should realise that everyone has their own version of truth, we all have different perceptions. When we have the clarity to let the other speak their….sometimes, what forceful…. truth onto us, we can just think, this is their truth, not necessarily my perception of the situation, but I should respect that, even when it is painfully difficult. When you combine ahimsa with satyam, towards yourself and others, you come to understand that not all arguments are meant to be ‘won’. What we need to do is learn to listen, without feeling attacked and act accordingly in a peaceful manner.
3. Visualise your inner peace.
Ok…one word…just ONE word: KUNG FU PANDA, hmmmm….ok, maybe three words then. But you catch my drift, right? Unless, you have not seen the Kung Fu panda movies, which every one of us should have seen (in my very honest opinion), then you will not understand what I mean with visualising your inner peace. There is this great scene where “Po, the panda” needs to learn about inner peace, and how his master tells him that if Po wants to become THE “Dragon Warrior” he too needs to find that within him. So, it is within us too, if we choose to become women that want to stand strong, we will need to find inner peace within. Visualising inner peace is different to all of us, what I find peaceful might not be peaceful for you. For example, I visualise my inner peace as a delicious chocolate ice cream cone and at other times I visualise inner peace seeing myself at the beach in a hammock with fresh coconut water right out of the coconut! For some women it may be visualising a beautiful safe place to be in, some where in nature perhaps or around a swimming pool with a cocktail in one hand and in the other a good book? Other women visualise abstract things, like colours and others visualise even more abstract concepts, as “love”. What is your inner peace? If you do not know and want some help or support in finding out, visit my website: www.yogawella.com and leave me a message to contact you for a free 30 minute coaching session. Finding inner peace is our last ingredient to a successful life, one that gives us roots to stand tall and wings to rise above when the going gets tough and the tough gets going.
How to bring all 3 steps together in the wink of an eye? By practice. Every time some one likes to pull you into an argument, or is yelling at you, or is triggering your buttons in any way, think immediately of this 3 simple steps, and know that you can choose not to make it your ‘circus’. The more often you practice in all the situations that frustrate or irritate you, the better you get at it. It is this simple!
Therefore, remind yourself, only you have the power to give away your inner peace. You can keep your inner peace in these 3 simple steps by grounding yourself through the breathing, by practicing ahimsa and satyam, and by visualising your own inner peace. To be a Queen, we need to learn how to become one and as the old saying goes, practice makes perfect!
Luz Dary Schilt is a mother of three, a vivid traveler, passionate photographer, yogini, and a philosopher of life. Her mission is to support women in their emotional, physical and mental health. She has clients in the USA, UK, China, and India, if you wish to schedule a yoga coaching session to see if she can be of any service to you, visit her website: www.yogawella.com or leave her a message at email@example.com